Moooooooo

Mooooooooooo.

SkyMall Catalog Fun

Ah yes....e-Breezewood was on the road and in the air this past week...which can only mean one thing....SkyMall catalog browsing fun! Let's get started.


Item #71405 - The Marshmallow Shooter

First of all...why do we spell marshmallow with an "a" instead of an "e"? That's silly. Here at e-Breezewood...it shall be called a "marshmellow". Second of all...why don't I own one of these? How many times has a particular moment in your life been incomplete because you couldn't shoot a marshmellow at someone? Now you can....and it's only $24.95! It even has an LED for pinpoint marshmellow shooting accuracy. The barrel holds up to 20 fluffy treats at a time...perfect for pummelling unsuspecting friends or terrorists.




Item #713561 - Gravity Defying Boots


Because gravity is for sissies! Perfect for the office, walks on the beach, or going to the prom.



Item # TH462J - Deluxe Yoga Stand



This is not a joke. Allegedly, people think it's cool to hang around upside down. This is a bunch of B.S.. Zippy chance my chi's and shakra's enjoy having all the blood in my body race to my head. Unless it comes with the cute upside-down yoga girl...color me disinterested.



Item #HLGDON100J - Dough-Nu-Matic

Stop. If you're reading this...please reach into your wallet and buy me one of these right now. According the catalog..."The Dough-Nu-Matic automatically forms, fries, and drains delectable mini-doughnuts in just 50 seconds." Delectable doughnuts in 50 seconds! Hazaa! If you have enough change left over...buy me two so I can keep one in the car.

ttyl

Hazaa! The Pittsburgh Post Gazette reports today that a bunch of donkeys have been fired...including yet another manager, Jim Tracy.

Also included in the big purge were some other guys who nobody's ever heard of.

In other news...the rumors that the Pirate Parrot was to be replaced by Jalapeño Hanna were found to be completely untrue.....

e-Breezewood...on the road...

e-Citizens...

Sorry for the lack of updates, but your mayor has been in the air and on the road doing a bit of traveling.

This of course means that upon my return there will be plenty of "Brando browses the SkyMall Catalog" posts so that you may brush up on your useless gadgetry.

In the meantime...Stay classy, e-Breezewood.

Dateline, Asia....

More crazy Asian news....

This one from Fugong, Yunnan Province, China.

500 schoolchildren have to cross the Nujiang River everyday on their way to school. Only problem is that there's no bridge. They have to MacGuyver their way across.

China...pretty nice place to live!

Dagger!

In case you ever thought swimming in lakes was fun....you'd better stop. Florida now reports it's third death due to due a deadly amoeba lurking in it's lakes.

First off....why do we spell "amoeba" with the "o" before the "e". Silly single celled organisms...

Anyway...the culprit is naegleria fowleri, which also happens to be the name of a girl I dated in college once...but that's a different story all together....

Basically, this little critter climbs all up in your nose while you're backstroking...and crawls its way to your brain...where it proceeds to eat your brain tissue and spinal chord. Yum!

Below is some info from the CDC. If you have any of these symptoms....well...don't even bother going to the doctors...you're pretty much cooked.

What are the signs and symptoms of Naegleria infection?

Infection with Naegleria causes the disease primary amebic meningoencephalitis (PAM), a brain inflammation, which leads to the destruction of brain tissue.

Initial signs and symptoms of PAM start 1 to 14 days after infection. These symptoms include headache, fever, nausea, vomiting, and stiff neck. As the amebae cause more extensive destruction of brain tissue this leads to confusion, lack of attention to people and surroundings, loss of balance, seizures, and hallucinations. After the onset of symptoms, the disease progresses rapidly and usually results in death within 3 to 7 days.

Happy swimming!

Taser Mania!!!!

Mere hours after the post regarding the Pitt basketball player who got tased in the Strip District...a flurry of taser activity began. Coincidence? I think not!


The Sen. Kerry Incident

Quite possibly some of the most enjoyable audio on the net right now. If you haven't heard/seen it yet, make your way over to the YouTube.

To quote Andrew Meyer, "Don't tase me bro! Don't taser me bro! Waaaaahhhhhh!".



Police Taser Man with Chicken in Car

This one out of Sheboygan Wis.. According to the Sheboygan police (which I'm sure is a fine organization, don't ya know)....the man acquired the chicken from a local fast food joint.

Riiiight. I'm sure this guy rolled up to Wendy's and ordered a live chicken to go (probably a spicy one.) "Ya...gimme the real live chicken and a Jr. Frosty....."



Police Taser Crazy Lady in Ohio

This one hot off the press. Some lady gets Hammer Timed at a hurting Warren OH bar, and officer friendly Tasers her silly.

You can check out the video here.

Email Us!

It's come to my attention that you, the weary travelers of e-Breezewood.com, have no means of contacting your dear e-Mayor.

Until today!

Check out the link to the right.

Send us your email!

Do it! Do it now!

Dagger!

Those pesky Asians are at it again...

This time...a Chinese man flat out died after being on the internet for 3 days straight.

Damn Pokemon....

The Emmy's are a bunch of crap...

I found this article from the Washington Post, which lists all of the lesser known Emmy "winners".

How 'bout this for a load of crap...other award shows get Emmy's. No joke. For instance...

Music Direction: "79th Annual Academy Awards," ABC.

No no no no. You can't give an Emmy to the Academy Awards!


Special Class Program: "The 60th Annual Tony Awards (2006)," CBS.

Ok really. How does this slide under the radar?

And perhaps most shocking....

Reality Program: "Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List," Bravo.

Ack! Kathy Griffin!!!! I call Shenanigans!