Brando reads "Cats Call" so you don't have to...

Well well well...what better way to jump back into e-Breezewood than a little Cat Spector?

Ooooo-weee! Look at the angle of that hat. Jauntiness if flying out of my monitor.

Here's a summary...some chick has a guy friend...same chick gets married to another dude...guy friend gets all weird and wants to "hang out" more. Chick says, "Why can't guys be friends with women? Why does it sometimes have to be "all or nothing at all" for guys?"

Cat's Call? "Most guys don't want "it all". They're fine with sex."

Which...if you ask me...totally just gave this chick approval to bang a dude that wasn't her husband. Well...that's the way I read it at least. Listen...I'm doing this so you don't have to read it. You'll just have to trust me.

Here's a good one from last week....

DEAR CAT: Our new neighbors are, shall we say, more ‘open’ than we like. Namely, the wife often sunbathes with her friends (in skimpy bikinis) on the front lawn. We live in a warm, sunny place, and this has gone on since they moved in a year ago. I feel this type of display downgrades the neighborhood and I am not the only one bothered by this behavior. I know she is not doing anything “illegal” but she is almost naked! The beach is a few minutes away, why not go there? I prefer not to cause problems but I feel that I should express this to her, for the sake of property values. Your call? —MODEST HOMEOWNER

Brando's Call....Ooooo. Tell me again...but slower this time...

We're back, bitches!

Well then...hello...again.

We're back.

e-Breezewood is open for business again.

More "Brando speaks out on..."

More "Tazer news!"

More "Brando Reads Cat's Call so You Don't Have To"

More "Skymall Catalog Fun"

Come back often. Start spreading the word.

Breaking News...Luke Ravenstahl is a fancy boy...

Well...at least according to nutty Oklahoma Representative Sally Kern.

You can listen to her speech (as well as the transcript) here.

Here's the short version...some wacko politician thought she was giving a speech to about 50 peeps in Oklahoma (Ok!...anyone...anyone...cricket cricket...) about how Islam and Homosexuals are destroying our youth....yada yada yada....

Anyway...here's the best part....

You know, gays are infiltrating city councils. Did you know, Eureka Springs, anybody been there, the passion play? Okay, have you heard that the city council of Eureka Springs is now controlled by gays? Okay? There are some others, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania; Takoma, Maryland; Kensington, Maryland; in Vermont, Oregon, West Palm Beach, Florida; in a lot of other places
in Florida. What’s happening? They are winning elections.

That's right folks! You've heard it hear first....Pittsburgh Pennsylvania City Council...a bunch of well dressed, good looking, sissies!

Oh...and another gem from Sally....

As a matter of fact, studies show that no society that has totally embraced homosexuality has lasted more than, you know, a few decades.

Your heard right kids...just a few decades! That means we're in the midnight hour. Time to run up those credit card bills....

UPMC Buys Al Monzo's Palace Inn

...then promptly buys all of Monroeville's Clorox bleach....

Who's worse? The Pittsburgh Pirates...or Terrorists?

That ain't Andy Van Slyke in center field...

This little gem comes from your e-Breezewood mayor-ette, Maria.

so...today i was reading the empty netters blog and there was a reference to the movie "sudden death." (which, by the way, has the best wikipedia page EVER--read the last two paragraphs). that got me thinking. the penguins have been in a movie where terrorists attack. footage of a steelers-cowboys game was used in the movie "black sunday," in which terrorists plan on blowing up the super bowl. the pirates?

nothing i can think of.

which brings me to my point, do people not include the pirates in disaster movies because they realize no one cares, or is the level of play so disastrous that adding terrorists to the equation really can't increase the level of misery?

Well...I think option 2. I mean...have you attended a Buccos game in the past 15 years? If I had a dollar for every Hammas roadside bomb that occurred on the field...well...I'd have a lot of dollars.

Do we not remember the walk-out last year? All those people might as well have been leaving to attend an insurgency convention.

And I'm pretty sure it was Hezbollah's fault that the "Outback" is no longer in the outfield.

Oh...and the Pirate Parrot was recruited from the mountains in Afghanistan. Look it up. I'm sure it's on Wikipedia somewhere.

The bottom line...

- The Pirates play baseball.
- Baseball is American.
- Losing 15 straight seasons in pro Baseball is un-American
- Terrorists are un-American
- The Pirates have lost 15 straight season.
- The Pirates are Terrorists

Trust me...I have a degree in science.

Hang-ging

This one...courtesy of our friends from across the Pond.

Gary Harley is a real estate agent in England. Typically, if you're a real estate agent...you spruce up the house you're showing, right? Maybe some candles...sweep up a little bit...perhaps rearrange some furniture. You take care of all the little details around the joint.

Well Gary slept on one little detail...

How 'bout the body of the owner hangggging in the master bedroom closet...all while people are walkin' around the house checking it out.

What a debacle.

I need a young priest and and old priest...

The power of Christ...um...compels you?

This from out nations Washington Post. Apparently, the pope thinks we need more exorcists.

Fortunately for us...well...more fortunately for the damned...Rev. Andrzej Trojanowski from Poland is creating an Exorcist "Club Med" if you will.

According to the article...

An estimated 300 exorcists are active in Italy. Foremost among them: the Rev. Gabriele Amorth, 82, who performs exorcisms daily in Rome and is dean of Europe's corps of demon-battling priests.

Daily? Daaaaaiiiilllyyyyy?

A different type of Congress...

Brando Speaks Out On...

Celebrity musicians.

As if the Bacon Brothers weren't enough...





Now we have Jeff F-ing Daniels.



Be sure to catch "Dirty Harry Blues"...as song about being shot by Clint Eastwood. Please...somebody cut my head off.

e-Breezewood Alert

A new segment I shall call... "e-Breezewood Alert"

More news in the string of bad ideas from the Buccos....

Pittsburgh's old pal Sid Bream....yes...THAT Sid Bream...has been named assistant coach to the Bucco's farm team in State College.

For those Yinzer's who love to relive painful memories...here's the recap from Wikipedia.

The Pirates carried a 2-0 lead into the bottom of the ninth inning under the pitching of their ace, Doug Drabek, needing just three outs to make the World Series. However, Drabek gave up a leadoff double to Terry Pendleton, then allowed another runner (David Justice) on an infield error by second baseman Jose Lind. After Drabek walked Bream to load the bases, Pirates manager Jim Leyland pulled him out of the game. Reliever Stan Belinda replaced him on the mound, and managed to get two outs, despite giving up a run on a sacrifice fly by Ron Gant. Then, Braves third-string catcher Francisco Cabrera belted a single to left field, and Justice scored easily to tie the game. Pirates left fielder and eventual National League MVP Barry Bonds fielded the ball as Bream (known as a slow runner) plodded around the bases toward home plate. Bonds' throw arrived first, but it was slightly offline towards the first-base line. As soon as catcher Mike LaValliere received the ball, he desperately lunged toward the plate to tag Bream out, but Bream was able to slide just underneath the tag to score the winning run and send the Braves to the World Series for the second consecutive year.

You be careful, Sidney Eugene Bream, e-Breezewood is watching you....


p.s. - $1 to the reader who can tell me what the hell ever happened to Doug Drabek

Bridesmaid Contest

I can't wait for this.

p.s. - Ladies...if you want to send your pictures to me as well...I can provide much more than a $50 gift card. Despite how this sounds...I am not sketchy.