More crazy Asians...

This time...from India.

No joke....

Appliance Direct!

Part of the reason for lack of postings lately has been an unusually large amount of travel for work. Recently, I was in the central Florida area for a few days. Early one morning, before heading out of the hotel to start the day, I was flipping through TV, and happened upon an hour long info-mercial for Appliance Direct.

Appliance Direct is a local appliance warehouse in central Florida. However...this guy is off the wall crazy. No joke...I spent about 20 minutes watching his infomercial only because I couldn't pull myself away from his crazy antics.

And now...I bring them to you. I Love Appliances!

Wet, angry, germs.....





Yes!





Check out the back of his shirt when he reaches for the Ketchup....




Wakkie Nu Nu!

Brando reads "Cat's Call" so you don't have to...

According to the list over on the right hand side....there have been only 7 posts here in the last two months....I promise that this will change....as you...the citizens of e-Breezewood demand better from your e-mayor.

Let's start with a favorite of mine....ridiculing Catherine Specter from the Post Gazette's "Cat's Call" relationship advice column.

This edition brought to you by e-citizen Rachel.

DEAR CAT: I have never been good at computers. This is the first e-mail I ever sent successfully! My husband is a whiz at them, but we only have one computer, and he is always busy and using it. He says I should go out and buy one so we don't have to share, but I don't know what to get. He says I should talk to people at the stores, and he'll buy me whatever I want "as long as I stop complaining about it." Can you suggest a store where I will not feel intimidated? -- TECH SUPPORT

Cat's reply....
DEAR TECH: If you managed to send an e-mail, you're further along than you think! Trust Cat on this one. Long before I started "calling," I tutored in computers and blah blah blah blah.....

The truth...from Brando...
Dear Tech: Your husband is busy spending all of his time on "Married and Bored" chat rooms. Either that...or he's spending all of his time looking for Halo 3 cheats. Either way...you're pretty much screwed.

Thank you, goodnight!

How funny is this guy...

Why China will eventually kick our ass....

This needs to be happening in our elementary schools, stat.....

In China...students head out on a 4in ledge to clean their school's windows once a week. Some schools are 3 stories high.

No sissy macaroni pictures are being done in China. Get our kids out on some ledges, damnit.

Good Times...Sunnier Days...

Remember that time....when this blog was updated? That was fun.

Life's been a little crazy here at e-Breezewood....but wackiness is coming...we promise.

Stay tuned...

Moooooooo

Mooooooooooo.

SkyMall Catalog Fun

Ah yes....e-Breezewood was on the road and in the air this past week...which can only mean one thing....SkyMall catalog browsing fun! Let's get started.


Item #71405 - The Marshmallow Shooter

First of all...why do we spell marshmallow with an "a" instead of an "e"? That's silly. Here at e-Breezewood...it shall be called a "marshmellow". Second of all...why don't I own one of these? How many times has a particular moment in your life been incomplete because you couldn't shoot a marshmellow at someone? Now you can....and it's only $24.95! It even has an LED for pinpoint marshmellow shooting accuracy. The barrel holds up to 20 fluffy treats at a time...perfect for pummelling unsuspecting friends or terrorists.




Item #713561 - Gravity Defying Boots


Because gravity is for sissies! Perfect for the office, walks on the beach, or going to the prom.



Item # TH462J - Deluxe Yoga Stand



This is not a joke. Allegedly, people think it's cool to hang around upside down. This is a bunch of B.S.. Zippy chance my chi's and shakra's enjoy having all the blood in my body race to my head. Unless it comes with the cute upside-down yoga girl...color me disinterested.



Item #HLGDON100J - Dough-Nu-Matic

Stop. If you're reading this...please reach into your wallet and buy me one of these right now. According the catalog..."The Dough-Nu-Matic automatically forms, fries, and drains delectable mini-doughnuts in just 50 seconds." Delectable doughnuts in 50 seconds! Hazaa! If you have enough change left over...buy me two so I can keep one in the car.

ttyl

Hazaa! The Pittsburgh Post Gazette reports today that a bunch of donkeys have been fired...including yet another manager, Jim Tracy.

Also included in the big purge were some other guys who nobody's ever heard of.

In other news...the rumors that the Pirate Parrot was to be replaced by Jalapeño Hanna were found to be completely untrue.....

e-Breezewood...on the road...

e-Citizens...

Sorry for the lack of updates, but your mayor has been in the air and on the road doing a bit of traveling.

This of course means that upon my return there will be plenty of "Brando browses the SkyMall Catalog" posts so that you may brush up on your useless gadgetry.

In the meantime...Stay classy, e-Breezewood.